We are in our final week here in Seattle. The atmosphere in the theatre is full of good will and palpable electricity. Audiences are growing, and our performances are getting better and better; Wade and I are finding more and more little “moments” together, more layers and more depth in our interactions; and I remember again each day how addictive this performance thing really is. There’s simply nothing else like it, and I feel like the luckiest person in the world, getting to share this magical, surreal, totally inspiring story with people every night.
I’ve become able more and more to manifest and embody what’s going on with Kat - the extreme cold, the questioning of her own sanity (is what she’s experiencing real or merely an extended hallucination?) - and as I dig deeper into it, I’m finding that the reality of physicalizing all of this takes a HELL of a lot of energy. Shivering, for instance: the body’s natural reaction to freezing temperatures is specifically designed to warm you up by the uncontrollable shaking of your muscles - and when the stage is actually quite WARM, and the hot lights are on, and you’re running around wearing a parka and shivering like mad - well, it’s a great workout, it seems. Combined with the hyperventilating and output of excess nervous energy released by being convinced that you are completely insane and you can’t trust your own senses or instincts (added on top of my normal everyday regimen of playing and singing), the exertion is enormous.
I know this because: I’m eating like a MAD FOOL! Tons of food. I crave MEAT and eat it before nearly every show…and yet, after the final curtain I am absolutely energized and exhilarated.
My whole schedule is topsy-turvy (usually, at home with husband and kid, I’m up before dawn and asleep before 9 PM) - and now, I’m up for at least 3-4 hours AFTER the show, insatiable carnivore that I am.
I know there is a bittersweet sadness coming in a few days when we close here, the stage returns to its bare former self and we all disperse to our various homes…but I also know it is temporary, because the future of this show is looking so bright now that we’ve launched it into the world. My job now is to savor every moment we have here, stay centered, and eat some prime rib from Met Market.